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Singing 周杰倫 - 说了再见

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Even though I have been rejecting invitations to go out to unwind myself with friends. I don't know why I chose to go to Cat's birthday BBQ at East Coast Park. Haha, 1 thing is I don't really know her. But I told her, if Ivan, our common friend goes, I should be going.

So ended up, i went down with Ivan. Never regret it abit. I get to unwind myself. We reached about 7:45pm and immediately was offered to eat.. We just had our heavy dinner before going down..

Ivan stayed for awhile, and i felt weird leaving so early.. I don't really go to a birthday event and just chill for awhile.. So ended up, i stayed there alone.. But never once did they make me feel bored or anything. There's always chat and games to fill in my time.

After awhile, i went to the beach to listen to the sound of the crushing waves against the rocks and shore.. Super relax.. Thinking about some stuff, and surprisingly, i felt an inner peace.. Salena came over and we ended up looking at the stars for awhile and each other drifting off into our personal thoughts. Once awhile, they will come over to make sure I'm fine and won't try to jump down. Haha. Yvonne sms me while i was there, asking where i was. I told her ecp having bbq. She said one of the girls told her i was there and doesnt' look too cheerful. Till now, i still dono which girl it was. Anyway, small world. =]


When i still wasn't so open up, and thats the birthday girl, Cat.

I just sat there playing games and stuff, didn't help to bbq at all. Haha, which was something i actually do in every bbq. So when there wasn't so many people around, I went to bbq some stuff for the rest to eat.


A better pic with Cat, the birthday girl.




Bbq half way, they started to take lots of pictures. I only took one picture with them, still uncomfortable I guess. Haha.

Ended up, I helped to clear things up and left with them at around 2:45am. Haha.

And just when I totally give up on the love thing due to some reasons, i came home to check my email. And one email was sent from her.. Zzz.

Hello Vanessa Loke! Do you not understand to stop contacting me whether through handphone, msn, facebook, or email?

I have something to tell you.. Seriously.. Please.. I don't know what is going on between you and your boyfriend.. But I'm over you.. Really over you.. Don't try to send me this kinda email.. Zzzz.. I told you, once its over, its over. Do you not get it..? I even stopped reading your blog. And maybe you also did.. Thats why i rather blog about it than reply you.

In a relationship, the worst thing you can do is, notice the small flaws of the one you love.. I mean, for me personally, every flaws in the person i love, i accept them easily.

Never once did I complain to my friends about anything about you.. Hello?! I think you are asking for too much? Your past isn't very beautiful you know? And i accepted it wholeheartedly. You remember? Sometimes i sent you home, sometimes i send you to the bus stop and wait for the bus with you, but you told me this, you need to send a girl home everytime she goes over to your place. You think I'm a super rich kid? I paid for the meals and movies and cab fares too.

Cook for you, complain to people say i cook too spicy. How would I know how spicy can you take? There are other dishes to choose too? And I also tried to make it not as spicy as I usually eat? Can't give me time to know what level is your spicyness so i can compromise? I even wash the dishes?

I chatted with alot of people, and seriously, I dono why I thought i was a bad and lousy boyfriend. I think you don't just wanna be a princess, you wanna be a queen? Lol. I did everything I could, even writing you sweet nothings and notes. Look at your own flaws and your past. Did i ever say a thing?

You complained about your job and just wanted a listening ear, I gave my opinion, this you also wanna complain to my friend? Hello?! How the hell would i know what you want from me? When i don't talk much, you say I'm too quiet, when i spoke up, you also complain. What more do you expect? You're self contradicting, you know?

And whats this shit you told me about keeping everything to yourself? Bullshit man. Now then i realise, when my eyes are finally open. You complain to my friends about me, you complain about your bf to me. You probably complain to your boyfriend about me when we broke up, right? =]

And all the bad stuff you told me about your bf, maybe he isn't as bad as you said he is. Maybe you said it just so you can gain sympathy from me and others. I don't know if he reads my blog or not, and i seriously don't care. You 2 should leave me alone. I'm so happy for the past few days. Like seriously. =] No stress. It reminds me why I was so happily being single for 1 1/2 years.

And to end this note, I'm proud of being with all my ex, except you.. I feel disgusted that you made it to the list.. Why the hell did you contacted me when you were still with your boyfriend?

Come on, if you have problems with him, solve it or get over it. Stop going to jumping from one guy to the other when things don't go your way, and behave like a flea bug!

Get a life, seriously! And now what? Heard from Germaine that she read your blog,( which i didn't ) that you seem to have a worse life with him now? Lol. I already said, you made the decision, you gotta live with it.

If you can't take it, i rather you go end your life or something. Just don't come mind fcuk me again. Cause you know what? Even if you die, I don't give a shit. =] You are not perfect, don't expect a guy to be perfect, though I think i nearly am. =]
Emailing me that, hoping I will reply you and start again? Don't want to break up with him without a backup plan? How sly can you get.. Love is not a game. Get this into your mind!

PS: Sorry guys, hate to blog about this, but i need to clear it up once and for all.

Sang this song cause the lyrics is very meaningful to me..

I decided to clear all posts about my r/s. I find it kinda depressing for my readers to read. And if they read a few more posts like those, they might probably end up in depression themselves. Haha.

And especially since i post this with a title like Beginning of a new chapter.


I think when you're trying to heal a broken/shattered heart, its like piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. And just like a jigsaw puzzle, the higher you place ur hopes in the r/s, the greater the fall and the greater the impact will have on shattering your heart.

Piecing them back together is definitely much more difficult and takes a longer process if you're inexperience in doing so.

The best way is to have friends do it with you. Friends who are willing to spend time doing it with you. ( I really want to thank Shino, Yvonne, Joel, Nicole, Yeetze, Felicia and many other friends for showing your care and concern, even inviting me out to help me unwind, though i rejected all. Haha. )

And the end of the healing process is pretty much like a well done jigsaw with little cracks in between. But what we focus on is the whole picture is presents.

The beauty of the perfectly pieced heart. The bigger the heart for the r/s, the bigger your jigsaw. So the longer you might take to piece it up. And with all the complications of the r/s as with some jigsaw that has complicated design. It all adds up to having more difficulty in piecing it up.

Well if it really is that hard, you can always tell yourself,

This picture really is true for my case. I have managed to get over it real soon because i really think of it this way. =]

No more posts about my r/s in my blog anymore. I'm going to keep it light and cheerful.

Smile, even if you have to force yourself to. Sooner or later, the smile might just be real. =]

Havent been updating my blog recently or had any music achievements.. I have been rejecting calefare roles in channel 8 series for quite sometime now. But decides to give it a try again.

Few days back, i acted as Alamak aka Hui Ge's gangster subordinate. Filming that small scene was tedious as we had to film it at a multi story carpark that seems to have cars passing by very so often. Hui Ge is a joker in real life, as funny as he is on tv. Lunch break was wanton mee with Chen Hanwei, Hui Ge and another calefare at the popular tanjong pagar market. My mission for that day was finding Hanwei and beating him up and get caught by the police. =[ Drama title is 五副到. Ep. 15

Freelance actors are usually stereotyped for roles like gangsters, ah gua or some other hideous characters. Haha.

Today's filming was done at IMM building, one of the chinese bridal shops. Actors include Tay Pinghui and Lin Meijiao. Met Jae Leung there, he was acting as Pinghui's shop assistant. My role was as a customer. I was suppose to have only one sentence. Haha. And i was suppose to have a fiancee with me. Ended up, i went shopping for bridal package alone.. Whoever goes to a bridal shop alone..? Drama title is 红白喜事. Ep. 10


So i had a few sentences with Pinghui. NG-ed quite a few times. Sometimes i wasn't loud enough, sometimes i stand too far from him.. Sometimes i shift my weights while talking.. So many mistakes.. Director wasn't pissed, the one that got pissed was the camera man. Lol. Should have done it a few more times and see wtf is he going to say.. Oh well, i definitely prefer being on stage than acting..

Been listening to few songs repeatedly the whole day.. 我不配，夜曲 and 心跳..





Till this very day.. I nv did once get to spend Valentine's Day with someone special.. Maybe it just isn't meant to be..


Gonna focus on my songs again.. Sorry for taking so long.. Wanted to give up music to have a normal love life..


Might be joining a band of uncles aged 40s to 50s to perform in gigs. Haha. Will be having my first jamming session with them soon. Once i learnt the old songs they wanna play. Signing out..